Part One:  Who Should a Christian Marry?

“…She is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.”

The apostle Paul’s statement provides us with a compelling point of entry for exploring the Biblical commands pertaining to Christian marriage.

Who should a Christian marry?  Do additional passages of Scripture give us principles and instruction to apply to this question, or is Paul’s brief comment the sum of the Bible’s instruction in this regard? 

In any case, if Christians are to marry “only in the Lord,” what does it mean to be “in the Lord”? 

Every Christian family needs God’s answers to these pressing questions!

The Historical Record

Let’s begin our study with an examination of those Scriptures that were available to the Apostle Paul when he stipulated that Christian widows were free to marry “only in the Lord.”  These Scriptures are, of course, what we commonly refer to as the “Old Testament.” 

Historically, what did God require of His people, regarding intermarriage?

Furthermore, you shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor shall you take their daughters for your sons. (Deuteronomy 7:3)

God unhesitatingly forbade His people from intermarriage with the inhabitants of the Promised Land.  Why did our Loving Father give these instructions?

…The land which you are entering to possess is an unclean land with the uncleanness of the peoples of the lands, with their abominations which have filled it from end to end and with their impurity.  'So now do not give your daughters to their sons nor take their daughters to your sons, and never seek their peace or their prosperity, that you may be strong and eat the good things of the land and leave it as an inheritance to your sons forever.  (Ezra 9:11-12)

For you are a holy people to the LORD your God; the LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for His own possession out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.  (Deuteronomy 7:6)

What evil is God protecting and separating His chosen people from?

For they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods... (Deuteronomy 7:4)

Did not Solomon king of Israel sin regarding these things? Yet among the many nations there was no king like him, and he was loved by his God, and God made him king over all Israel; nevertheless the foreign women caused even him to sin.  (Nehemiah 13:26)

Thus, we see why God prohibits His chosen people from interreligious marriage with those who practice false religion.  Aren’t we, too – as Christians today – the chosen people of Almighty God?  In the New Testament, the apostle Peter alludes to the same passage which we have read from Deuteronomy, confirming that indeed we likewise, as Christians, are the chosen of God:

But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God's OWN POSSESSION, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light;  (1 Peter 2:9)

Moreover, what a profound point Nehemiah has given us to consider! 

“Among the many nations there was no king like [Solomon], and he was loved by his God, and God made him king over all Israel; nevertheless the foreign women caused even him to sin.”

Have we believed that one who is spiritually “strong enough” can choose to marry a non-Christian?  Who among us can presume to be mightier than Solomon? 

Consequences

Many of us are familiar with the blessings and cursings (detailed in Leviticus 26 and in Deuteronomy 28-30) which God pronounced upon His people – blessings for obedience, and cursings for disobedience.  What then are the consequences which accompany God’s requirement for marital distinction? 

First, let’s note the promised blessings associated with obeying God’s command:

…that you may be strong and eat the good things of the land and leave it as an inheritance to your sons forever.  (Ezra 9:12)

And He will love you and bless you and multiply you; He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground, your grain and your new wine and your oil, the increase of your herd and the young of your flock, in the land which He swore to your forefathers to give you. You shall be blessed above all peoples; there shall be no male or female barren among you or among your cattle. And the LORD will remove from you all sickness; and He will not put on you any of the harmful diseases of Egypt which you have known, but He will lay them on all who hate you.  (Deuteronomy 7:13-15)

Clearly, these instructions are given for the profit of God’s chosen people.  What Christian, entering into marriage, would not treasure the promise of these wonderful and pertinent blessings?

As we consider these benefits, it behooves us at the same time, to note the warnings and punishments directly from God for disregard of His command for marital distinction:

…then the anger of the LORD will be kindled against you, and He will quickly destroy you.  (Deuteronomy 7:4)

…they shall be a snare and a trap to you, and a whip on your sides and thorns in your eyes, until you perish from off this good land which the LORD your God has given you.  (Joshua 23:13)

…Wouldst Thou not be angry with us to the point of destruction, until there is no remnant nor any who escape?  (Ezra 9:14)

God’s Vehemence

The quotations above do give us an idea of how strongly God abhors interreligious marriage by His chosen people.  However, in order to begin to accurately grasp the vehemence and intensity which God and His servants demonstrate relative to this matter, a thorough reading of the passages of Scripture below is imperative.  Please invest the time to “drink in” the mind of God – to read and to consider each of these Biblical passages in its entirety:

Furthermore, you shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor shall you take their daughters for your sons.  "For they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods; then the anger of the LORD will be kindled against you, and He will quickly destroy you.  "But thus you shall do to them: you shall tear down their altars, and smash their sacred pillars, and hew down their Asherim, and burn their graven images with fire.  "For you are a holy people to the LORD your God; the LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for His own possession out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.  "The LORD did not set His love on you nor choose you because you were more in number than any of the peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but because the LORD loved you and kept the oath which He swore to your forefathers, the LORD brought you out by a mighty hand, and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.  "Know therefore that the LORD your God, He is God, the faithful God, who keeps His covenant and His lovingkindness to a thousandth generation with those who love Him and keep His commandments; but repays those who hate Him to their faces, to destroy them; He will not delay with him who hates Him, He will repay him to his face.  "Therefore, you shall keep the commandment and the statutes and the judgments which I am commanding you today, to do them.  "Then it shall come about, because you listen to these judgments and keep and do them, that the LORD your God will keep with you His covenant and His lovingkindness which He swore to your forefathers.  "And He will love you and bless you and multiply you; He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground, your grain and your new wine and your oil, the increase of your herd and the young of your flock, in the land which He swore to your forefathers to give you.  "You shall be blessed above all peoples; there shall be no male or female barren among you or among your cattle.  "And the LORD will remove from you all sickness; and He will not put on you any of the harmful diseases of Egypt which you have known, but He will lay them on all who hate you.  "And you shall consume all the peoples whom the LORD your God will deliver to you; your eye shall not pity them, neither shall you serve their gods, for that would be a snare to you.  (Deuteronomy 7:3-16)

So take diligent heed to yourselves to love the LORD your God.  "For if you ever go back and cling to the rest of these nations, these which remain among you, and intermarry with them, so that you associate with them and they with you, know with certainty that the LORD your God will not continue to drive these nations out from before you; but they shall be a snare and a trap to you, and a whip on your sides and thorns in your eyes, until you perish from off this good land which the LORD your God has given you.  (Joshua 23:11-13)

Now when these things had been completed, the princes approached me, saying, "The people of Israel and the priests and the Levites have not separated themselves from the peoples of the lands, according to their abominations, those of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Jebusites, the Ammonites, the Moabites, the Egyptians, and the Amorites.  "For they have taken some of their daughters as wives for themselves and for their sons, so that the holy race has intermingled with the peoples of the lands; indeed, the hands of the princes and the rulers have been foremost in this unfaithfulness."  And when I heard about this matter, I tore my garment and my robe, and pulled some of the hair from my head and my beard, and sat down appalled.  Then everyone who trembled at the words of the God of Israel on account of the unfaithfulness of the exiles gathered to me, and I sat appalled until the evening offering.  But at the evening offering I arose from my humiliation, even with my garment and my robe torn, and I fell on my knees and stretched out my hands to the LORD my God; and I said, "O my God, I am ashamed and embarrassed to lift up my face to Thee, my God, for our iniquities have risen above our heads, and our guilt has grown even to the heavens.  "Since the days of our fathers to this day we have been in great guilt, and on account of our iniquities we, our kings and our priests have been given into the hand of the kings of the lands, to the sword, to captivity, and to plunder and to open shame, as it is this day.  "But now for a brief moment grace has been shown from the LORD our God, to leave us an escaped remnant and to give us a peg in His holy place, that our God may enlighten our eyes and grant us a little reviving in our bondage.  "For we are slaves; yet in our bondage, our God has not forsaken us, but has extended lovingkindness to us in the sight of the kings of Persia, to give us reviving to raise up the house of our God, to restore its ruins, and to give us a wall in Judah and Jerusalem.  "And now, our God, what shall we say after this? For we have forsaken Thy commandments,  which Thou hast commanded by Thy servants the prophets, saying, 'The land which you are entering to possess is an unclean land with the uncleanness of the peoples of the lands, with their abominations which have filled it from end to end and with their impurity.  'So now do not give your daughters to their sons nor take their daughters to your sons, and never seek their peace or their prosperity, that you may be strong and eat the good things of the land and leave it as an inheritance to your sons forever.'  "And after all that has come upon us for our evil deeds and our great guilt, since Thou our God hast requited us less than our iniquities deserve, and hast given us an escaped remnant as this,  shall we again break Thy commandments and intermarry with the peoples who commit these abominations? Wouldst Thou not be angry with us to the point of destruction, until there is no remnant nor any who escape?  "O LORD God of Israel, Thou art righteous, for we have been left an escaped remnant, as it is this day; behold, we are before Thee in our guilt, for no one can stand before Thee because of this.  (Ezra 9)

Now while Ezra was praying and making confession, weeping and prostrating himself before the house of God, a very large assembly, men, women, and children, gathered to him from Israel; for the people wept bitterly.  And Shecaniah the son of Jehiel, one of the sons of Elam, answered and said to Ezra, "We have been unfaithful to our God, and have married foreign women from the peoples of the land; yet now there is hope for Israel in spite of this.  "So now let us make a covenant with our God to put away all the wives and their children, according to the counsel of my lord and of those who tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law.  "Arise! For this matter is your responsibility, but we will be with you; be courageous and act."  Then Ezra rose and made the leading priests, the Levites, and all Israel, take oath that they would do according to this proposal; so they took the oath.  Then Ezra rose from before the house of God and went into the chamber of Jehohanan the son of Eliashib. Although he went there, he did not eat bread, nor drink water, for he was mourning over the unfaithfulness of the exiles. And they made a proclamation throughout Judah and Jerusalem to all the exiles, that they should assemble at Jerusalem,  and that whoever would not come within three days, according to the counsel of the leaders and the elders, all his possessions should be forfeited and he himself excluded from the assembly of the exiles.  So all the men of Judah and Benjamin assembled at Jerusalem within the three days. It was the ninth month on the twentieth of the month, and all the people sat in the open square before the house of God, trembling because of this matter and the heavy rain.  Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, "You have been unfaithful and have married foreign wives adding to the guilt of Israel.  "Now, therefore, make confession to the LORD God of your fathers, and do His will; and separate yourselves from the peoples of the land and from the foreign wives."  Then all the assembly answered and said with a loud voice, "That's right! As you have said, so it is our duty to do.  "But there are many people, it is the rainy season, and we are not able to stand in the open. Nor can the task be done in one or two days, for we have transgressed greatly in this matter.  "Let our leaders represent the whole assembly and let all those in our cities who have married foreign wives come at appointed times, together with the elders and judges of each city, until the fierce anger of our God on account of this matter is turned away from us."  Only Jonathan the son of Asahel and Jahzeiah the son of Tikvah opposed this, with Meshullam and Shabbethai the Levite supporting them.  But the exiles did so. And Ezra the priest selected men who were heads of fathers' households for each of their father's households, all of them by name. So they convened on the first day of the tenth month to investigate the matter. And they finished investigating all the men who had married foreign wives by the first of the first month. And among the sons of the priests who had married foreign wives were found of the sons of Jeshua the son of Jozadak, and his brothers: Maaseiah, Eliezer, Jarib, and Gedaliah. And they pledged to put away their wives, and being guilty, they offered a ram of the flock for their offense. [44] All these had married foreign wives, and some of them had wives by whom they had children.  (Ezra 10:1-19, 44)

Now the rest of the people, the priests, the Levites, the gatekeepers, the singers, the temple servants, and all those who had separated themselves from the peoples of the lands to the law of God, their wives, their sons and their daughters, all those who had knowledge and understanding, are joining with their kinsmen, their nobles, and are taking on themselves a curse and an oath to walk in God's law, which was given through Moses, God's servant, and to keep and to observe all the commandments of GOD our Lord, and His ordinances and His statutes; and that we will not give our daughters to the peoples of the land or take their daughters for our sons.  (Nehemiah 10:28-30)

In those days I also saw that the Jews had married women from Ashdod, Ammon, and Moab.  As for their children, half spoke in the language of Ashdod, and none of them was able to speak the language of Judah, but the language of his own people.  So I contended with them and cursed them and struck some of them and pulled out their hair, and made them swear by God, "You shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor take of their daughters for your sons or for yourselves.  "Did not Solomon king of Israel sin regarding these things? Yet among the many nations there was no king like him, and he was loved by his God, and God made him king over all Israel; nevertheless the foreign women caused even him to sin.  "Do we then hear about you that you have committed all this great evil by acting unfaithfully against our God by marrying foreign women?"  Even one of the sons of Joiada, the son of Eliashib the high priest, was a son-in-law of Sanballat the Horonite, so I drove him away from me. Remember them, O my God, because they have defiled the priesthood and the covenant of the priesthood and the Levites.  (Nehemiah 13:23-29)

Indeed, as we have seen, it is difficult to overstate the strength of God’s antipathy against the great evil of His holy consecrated people marrying those who practice false religion!

The “Exception”

As we continue our discussion, it is important to evaluate the sole Scriptural instructional "exception" to God’s prohibition against interreligious marriage.  This “exception” is found in Deuteronomy 21:10-13:

When you go out to battle against your enemies, and the LORD your God delivers them into your hands, and you take them away captive, and see among the captives a beautiful woman, and have a desire for her and would take her as a wife for yourself, then you shall bring her home to your house, and she shall shave her head and trim her nails. She shall also remove the clothes of her captivity and shall remain in your house, and mourn her father and mother a full month; and after that you may go in to her and be her husband and she shall be your wife.

Note that this "exception" applies only to the procurement of a wife – the subdominant party in the relationship.  However, much more importantly, in this case she is a captive, dispossessed of any customary religious expectations that might be associated with a wife of any social status, and both she and her Israelite husband have been wrested away from the pagan religious influence of her father and mother (whom she is allowed to mourn).

Here, it is appropriate to mention the patriarch Joseph’s marriage to Asenath, who was the daughter of the apparently pagan Egyptian priest of On.  Although Asenath may not have been considered to be a “captive” per se, nevertheless, Genesis records that her person was effectively commandeered by the order of Faro, who gave her to Joseph to be his wife as a gift.

Then Pharaoh named Joseph Zaphenath-paneah; and he gave him Asenath, the daughter of Potiphera priest of On, as his wife. And Joseph went forth over the land of Egypt.  (Genesis 41:45)

Additionally, Joseph’s position was altogether superior to that of her father, whose pagan religion had just been thoroughly and dramatically debunked by the miraculous intervention of Almighty God. 

Now it came about in the morning that his spirit was troubled, so he sent and called for all the magicians of Egypt, and all its wise men. And Pharaoh told them his dreams, but there was no one who could interpret them to Pharaoh.  [39] So Pharaoh said to Joseph, "Since God has informed you of all this, there is no one so discerning and wise as you are.  "You shall be over my house, and according to your command all my people shall do homage; only in the throne I will be greater than you."  And Pharaoh said to Joseph, "See I have set you over all the land of Egypt."  Then Pharaoh took off his signet ring from his hand, and put it on Joseph's hand, and clothed him in garments of fine linen, and put the gold necklace around his neck.  And he had him ride in his second chariot; and they proclaimed before him, "Bow the knee!" And he set him over all the land of Egypt.  Moreover, Pharaoh said to Joseph, "Though I am Pharaoh, yet without your permission no one shall raise his hand or foot in all the land of Egypt."  (Genesis 41:8, 39-44)

In the context of this "exception," it is worthwhile also to reflect on the fact that those Gentile women who are honored by inclusion in the lineage of Jesus Christ, Rahab and Ruth -- through the demonstration of the fruits of their faith in God -- had already become a part of the spiritual Body, prior to the marriages which ultimately served to make them a part of Christ's lineage.

Thus, it remains true to say that in general, the people of God are prohibited from entering into civil marriage with those outside of His Body, and the perpetration of such marriages is condemned in Scripture.

Instruction from the New Testament

Having now examined those Scriptures which the apostle Paul had at his disposal, let’s take a look at Paul's instructions to us as Christians, which are found in the New Testament:

A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.  (1 Corinthians 7:39)

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?  Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, "I WILL DWELL IN THEM AND WALK AMONG THEM; AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE.  "Therefore, COME OUT FROM THEIR MIDST AND BE SEPARATE," says the Lord. "AND DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN; And I will welcome you.  "And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters.  (2 Corinthians 6:14-18)

Many important spiritual concepts are contained in the above passage.  Significant among these concepts, is the tangible understanding of what it is to be “in the Lord.”  From what Paul states, we deduce that those who are “in the Lord [Christ],” are expected to:

·        Practice righteousness  (Psalm 119:172; 1 John 3:7-10)

·        Renounce lawlessness  (Matthew 13:41-43; 1 John 3:3-6)

·        Walk in the light  (Ephesians 5:8-13)

·        Avoid the works of darkness  (Romans 13:12-14)

·        Distinguish between believers and unbelievers (1 Corinthians 5:9-13; 1 Corinthians 7:39; Galatians 6:10)

·        Disconnect from any association with false religious worship (1 Corinthians 10:14-28)

·        Practice a degree of separation from those of the world (James 4:4; John 17:14-19; Revelation 18:4-5)

·        Maintain distance from ungodliness  (1 Corinthians 6:18-20;1 Corinthians 10:14;1 Timothy 6:10-11; 2 Timothy 2:22)

Christ Jesus put a point on this understanding, clarifying that many of the churches which profess Christianity – and even many who are doing “good works” in Christ’s name – are in fact not in the Lord!

"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven; but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven.  Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?'  "And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.  (Matthew 7:21-23) 

Where do Christ’s words leave the many so-called Christian churches which disregard the Father’s command to keep the 7^th day Sabbath holy?  How can it be said that they are doing “the will” of the Father, at whose direction the Sabbath was sanctified at creation?  (For a more complete explanation of the ongoing requirement to keep God’s seventh-day Sabbath holy, please see the article entitled: “Is a Sabbath Commanded for Christians?”)

On the other hand, lest those of us within the Churches of God become cocky or overly self-assured, we should bear soberly in mind that Christ does not end His rejection with those who preach lawlessness. 

Without regard to what is or is not preached, Christ will reject any and all individuals who practice lawlessness.  This should serve as a warning and a prod to each one of us who profess to be “in the Lord.”

Most of the Scriptures which we have examined thus far, specifically condemn the marriage of God's people with those outside of His Body. However, some may observe that Paul's admonition in 2 Corinthians 6 does not specify the marital union in particular.  Nonetheless, it would be egregious to argue against its applicability to marriage.  After all, Paul has already made clear in 1 Corinthians, that widows are free to marry "only in the Lord."  Further, what relationship is there that could possibly bind an individual more intimately together with another human being, than that of marriage?

Parental Involvement

Having clearly established that a Christian should choose only a Christian mate, we come to another highly charged question:  Should parents be involved in the selection of a Christian’s spouse? 

Scripture records that the patriarch Abraham oversaw the provision of a wife for his son, Isaac, who was already 40 years old at the time of his marriage.  In turn, Isaac instructed Jacob to “take a wife from the daughters of” a particular individual.  Are these Biblical examples of human parental involvement simply a reflection of ancient cultural customs, or are these examples intended as guidelines for our conduct today?  How can we know which is the case in this situation?

The fascinating and inspiring answer awaits us within the unfolding events of the most important marriage in the universe – the marriage of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Let’s see what we can discover!

The Marriage of Jesus Christ

According to Scripture, Jesus Christ is the Son of God Almighty, who is the Father.  Christ, the Son, will marry His bride, the Church, as the Kingdom of God is beginning:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.  (Ephesians 5:25-27)

And I heard, as it were, the voice of a great multitude and as the sound of many waters and as the sound of mighty peals of thunder, saying, "Hallelujah! For the Lord our God, the Almighty, reigns.  "Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready."  And it was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints.  (Revelation 19:6-8)

Important for our benefit, is the understanding that the marriage of Jesus Christ is above any temporal human cultural influence.  Hence, we cannot relegate the circumstances of Christ’s marriage to the mere reflection of human traditions.  To the contrary, as Paul has illustrated in Ephesians (above), the marriage of Christ provides a teaching example for our edification.

What then, are the circumstances of Christ’s marriage?  Does the mature Jesus choose His own bride?  Or does the Father retain control or influence over Christ’s choice of bride?   In the words of Jesus Himself:

No one can come to Me, unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up on the last day.  (John 6:44)

Amazingly, despite His own wisdom, perfection, and magnificence, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is not given the authority to select His own bride!  God the Father preselects the bridal candidates.

However, there is more to the picture.  We find that while the Father limits the bridal candidates to those of His choosing, He does not impose any particular bridal candidate upon His Son.  The bridal selection process is completed by the Son.

"For not even the Father judges anyone, but He has given all judgment to the Son  (John 5:22)

“…He has fixed a day in which He will judge the world in righteousness through a Man whom He has appointed, having furnished proof to all men by raising Him from the dead."

Jesus does not choose who will be among His bridal candidates; nevertheless He is allowed the right to reject any given candidate.  

In what manner does Christ conduct these judgments?  Does He make His final selections, independent of His Father’s wishes?  Jesus answers:

"I can do nothing on My own initiative. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is just, because I do not seek My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.  (John 5:30)

Even within His freedom to act, Christ takes care to remain in accord with the wishes of His Father.  How vastly different is this Parent-Child relationship from most that we encounter in our modern Western cultures, where independence from parental influence is touted as sacrosanct among young adults!

A Daughter’s Vows

Also pertinent to the question of parental involvement in the selection of a Christian’s spouse, is the instruction which God gives regarding the authority of a father over his daughters:

"And if a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged, and lies with her, he must pay a dowry for her to be his wife.  "If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equal to the dowry for virgins.  (Exodus 22:16-17)

"Also if a woman makes a vow to the LORD, and binds herself by an obligation in her father's house in her youth, and her father hears her vow and her obligation by which she has bound herself, and her father says nothing to her, then all her vows shall stand, and every obligation by which she has bound herself shall stand.  "But if her father should forbid her on the day he hears of it, none of her vows or her obligations by which she has bound herself shall stand; and the LORD will forgive her because her father had forbidden her.  (Numbers 30:3-5)

Consequently, from the above passages, we see that God gives fathers the authority not only to forbid, but to annul (in the eyes of God), the marriage vow of a daughter.  (The vows of sons, of widows, and of divorced women remain in force, without any revocation. See Numbers 30:2, 9.)

The Biblical examples and instructions make it abundantly evident:  Where there are capable Christian parent(s), a Christian son or daughter should choose a spouse only in conformity with his/her parents' wishes.  Any who are rejecting the properly exercised Christian authority of their parents in the selection of a spouse are practicing sin – breaking the Fifth Commandment – hence, they do not belong within the fellowship of the Body of Christ, until there are tangible fruits, demonstrating repentance.

Maybe in the Lord?

Also debated in recent years within God’s Church, is the fact that a number of baptized Christians have contracted marriages with individuals who attend Church services, but are not yet baptized.  In some instances, neither party to the marriage has been baptized. 

Of course, it is always true in these situations, that whatever may be the stated intent or expectation, there is no certain guarantee that the unbaptized individual(s) will actually follow through with repentance and baptism.  However, the overriding question that must be asked is: according to the Word of God, is this proper?

The marriage of any unbaptized individual(s) can never be ideal.  The fruits of God’s Holy Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (See Galatians 5:22-23) – are essential elements of a Christian marriage.

Moreover, Christ commands that we are to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness:

For all these things the Gentiles eagerly seek; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.  But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you.  (Matthew 6:32-33)

If the pursuit of God’s Kingdom and God’s righteousness is indeed one’s first priority, then it becomes inconceivable to pursue a physical marriage relationship, while leaving unresolved one’s most important relationship – along with the urgency of the reality that one remains spiritually dead, and guilty of the body and blood of Jesus Christ:

…Jesus our Lord…was delivered up because of our transgressions…  (Romans 4:24-25)

And you were dead in your trespasses and sins….But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)   (Ephesians 2:1, 4-5)

Conversely, Jesus encourages us that: “he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life (John 5:24).”  The apostle Paul explains that it is through the process of baptism that newness of life is accomplished:

having been buried with Him in baptism, in which you were also raised up with Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead.  And when you were dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions,  (Colossians 2:12-13)

Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, in order that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.  (Romans 6:4)

Therefore, except where there has been the seduction of a virgin (see Exodus 22:16-17), the Church should not sanction, condone or perform the weddings of unbaptized individuals.

Additionally, when only one partner in a developing relationship is baptized, a revolting spiritual scenario results.  This relates to the fact that, as we have seen, until we are baptized, spiritually, we are dead bodies – rotting corpses.  Only through repentance and baptism into the Body of Christ, do we pass out of death into life. 

These truths beg a very significant and graphic spiritual question: why would any Christian – one who has, by God’s grace, passed out of death into life – seek to then become yoked to a dead person – one who remains dead in sin? (See Genesis 2:4 and 1 Corinthians 6:16-17.)

To speak in plain spiritual terms, why would any living Christian seek to institute oneness of body with a cadaver?

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?  For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.  (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

The Summation

Who should a Christian marry?  Who should a Christian not marry? 

Do we want to be welcomed as the sons and daughters of Almighty God?

Do not be mismated with unbelievers…. For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, "I will live in them and move among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.  Therefore come out from them, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch nothing unclean; (Above from 2 Corinthians 6:14, 16-17 RSV; underlining added; below from 2 Corinthians 6:17-18, and 2 Corinthians 7:1)

And I will welcome you. "And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me," Says the Lord Almighty.

“Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us” – as Paul admonishes – “cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.”

 

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